Why You Might Feel Weird About Asking for Money

How to Use It

1. Read the reasons and mark the ones that sound like you.
2. Pick the one that slows you down most and talk it through with a colleague or mentor.
3. Reread the reason you marked before your next conversation with a donor.

Start With Your Mindset

When you understand the root cause of a behavior or feeling, it’s a major growth opportunity for you. Figuring out why you’re conflicted will help you get out of a negative feedback loop and grow as a fundraiser. This guide will help you make progress so you can advance important non-profits counting on you for their success.

It’s understandable that you have mixed feelings that you haven’t reconciled—yet.

You may have been a recipient of the generosity of strangers and feel a sense of shame or indebtedness. Or maybe you’ve observed mega gifts being made by famous folks and you can’t wrap your mind around it—it’s totally unrelatable. It’s possible that you’ve been asked to make a gift when you couldn’t afford it and you haven’t forgotten the guilt trip you laid on yourself.

Whatever the source of the emotions may be, most people begin their fundraising endeavors uncomfortable with the idea of soliciting donors for their financial support, even for important causes they love.

But at the same time, like so many things in life, it’s not really about us. It’s about the amazing non-profits changing the world for the better. These organizations need us. They need confident, competent volunteers and leaders who are comfortable working with donors to inspire their philanthropy. It’s time for us to get our mindset right and learn the tools and techniques for raising money.

This is where YOU—and your mindset—are critical to making a difference.

Why Do You Feel Weird About Fundraising?

1. You Have A Complicated Relationship With Money

   • Spend? Save?
   • Earn? Invest?
   • Make money? Lose money?
   • Plan for the future?
   • Be spontaneous?
   • Your money? Others’ money?
   • Guilt? Pleasure? Shame?

   Money brings up so many emotions. What you do with it is a reflection of your values. Or is it? Not many of us were taught how to manage money. Most of us have made mistakes along the way. We’ve had ups, we’ve had downs. We’ve experienced joy through our money.....and we’ve also experienced pain and shame and guilt. This needs to be sorted out before you can move forward as a fundraiser.

2. You Don’t Trust Your Social Skills

   When you feel social anxiety what happens? Do you:

   • Talk too much.
   • Clam up.
   • Take shallow breaths.
   • Flush/Sweat/Feel your heart racing.
   • Have an out-of-body experience.
   • Lose your train of thought.
   • Forget people’s names.
   • Act super weird and awkward.

   Asking for money is right up there with public speaking for lots of people. Nerves can act up. It’s really hard to manage your nervous system in high stakes situations, and asking for money is often high stakes. If you don’t trust yourself to remain grounded and composed, it can be terrifying to think about asking a donor for a gift.....and worrying you’ll be told “no” simply because you were acting weird.

   IF YOU DON’T TRUST YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS, IT’S AWFULLY CHALLENGING TO NURTURE A RELATIONSHIP SO ALL PARTIES ARE READY TO DISCUSS A GIFT.

3. You Think It’s Impolite or Needy to Ask For Money

   Many people have hang-ups about asking for or accepting money that they did not earn themselves. It brings up feelings of codependency and neediness. People wonder what others will think of them if they accept money from others.

   Growing up, you may have been told not to ask people about their money. It was considered impolite to do so—like asking someone how much they weigh. It’s not something one does if one wants to be viewed in a positive light. As a result, you never became comfortable discussing the topic.

   That said, you probably had a good sense of who was “rich” and who was “poor.” How did you feel about these groups? Was one better than the other? Did you ever speak about someone’s wealth with them? Did you ever ask someone who lacks money why that’s the case?

   AND SO YOU NEVER LEARNED THAT IT’S MORE THAN OKAY TO TALK ABOUT MONEY.

4. You Are Afraid of Rejection

   REJECTION IS NOT FUN—NO ONE LIKES REJECTION. I used to worry about being rejected when asking for a gift. This is completely normal. Not only do you not want to be told “no,” you don’t want to admit to others that you were rejected.

   But the truth is that being told no by a donor rarely means “no” forever. It means “not right now” or “not for this project” or “not that amount.” This is a donor’s right, right? Getting a “no” is GREAT INFORMATION. Now you can refine your ask.

   IT TAKES SOME WORK TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF REJECTION. THERE ARE BEST PRACTICES THAT WILL HELP YOU GET INTO A BETTER MINDSET AND GET TO YES!!

5. You Think Someone Else Will Do It

   Do you think that fundraising is something that only people with years of experience can do? Or that it’s for people with nerves of steel? Or do you just think that you can sit back and wait for OTHER PEOPLE to raise the money our favorite non-profits need? You are not alone. These thoughts are common among people who are not yet comfortable fundraising.

   NON-PROFITS NEED WAY MORE PEOPLE LEARNING HOW TO FUNDRAISE, IN PART BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO IT.

   IT’S ON US TO STEP UP.

6. You Don’t Know Where to Start

   As a society, we’re completely okay with investments in for-profit enterprises. Marketing budget, sales team, tech, bricks-and-mortar....all of these things cost money, and we don’t question it. But what about our social services, social justice, anti-racism movements, disease prevention, education, protecting endangered species, and all of the other important non-profit initiatives we rely on? Non-profits need need massive investment just like our for-profit sector does. But where to start?

   You can support the people and organizations who are changing the world through your fundraising skills. That’s a unique skill-set, highly sought after in communities around the world. Non-profit organizations need people like you who know how to fundraise.

   OUR JOB AS FUNDRAISERS IS TO CONNECT WILLING DONORS WITH IMPORTANT CAUSES AND ASK FOR THEIR INVESTMENT. IT’S IMPERATIVE THAT YOU DETERMINE WHERE TO START—AND DO SO QUICKLY.

Further Reading

• Free toolUnderstand why people give, starting with you.Your Philanthropic ProfileOpen it →
• GuidePrepare for your next conversation with a donor.Donor Conversation GuideOpen it →
• GuideUnderstand what your donor cares about.PAPPAOpen it →

Further Support

Plan and run your campaign with Anne beside you. Fundraising Campaign Counsel

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